March 18, 2004
• Wendell Phillips winner Candace Gomez will speak at commencement. At the finalists’ presentation Ariana Flores spoke on being a radical. Allison Roeser of the Daily wrote: “Flores talked about how current ideals that are taken for granted today were once considered radical, such as racial discrimination, the HIV virus, and women’s rights.” Flores also takes Ebola, Monkey Pox, and Anthrax for granted as modern ideals, but, in her opinion, they were never that radical to begin with… Student Labor Action Mayhem: SLAM agitated the janitorial staff into a Marxist labor rebellion as a crowd of over 100 gathered outside Barnum. Students were concerned that the janitors had no job security. Apparently, everyone in Boston has decided to start cleaning up after themselves… “Deep Pockets” Flores offered her own two cents that we should pay the janitors more, but it remains to be seen if she is willing to offer more than her own two cents…
• 3Ps produced an excellent gay rave. In Corpus Christi, the mood was ruined when Jesus showed up and started grinding with his apostles. He then performed His greatest miracle when it reportedly started to “rain men”…
• Ab FOB: When the Jumbo FOB system is implemented campus-wide everyone will get universal dorm access, including drunken frat mobs, and whoever finds your lost keychain. Coming to a dorm near you: that sketchy guy from your math class…
• The “Speak, Stop Hate” rally drew only a small crowd. Hate mongering is really a full-time job for most students. Carly Okyle reports: Lisa Coleman used her dictionary to define bias as “an inclination to one side.” Derek Zoolander written up for non-ambiturnism… Google was of little help; it kept asking if they meant “Lisa Coleman”… According to Joshua Cohn in his Daily Viewpoint, Tufts does not tolerate people who are intolerant. After someone suggested Tufts should then not tolerate itself, Cohn paused and thought about it for a few minutes, after which his head exploded…
• The LGBT Center sponsored Hott Bois, Healthy Bodies, an informational session on nutrition and fitness, followed by dinner. The main course was vegetarian and tofu, and dessert was banana flambé…
• Lorraine Toppi retired from ResLife before the annual lottery. Rumor has it tensions have risen in the office since Yolanda King took over. Her decision-making skills are questionable though. King is reportedly trying to mitigate the lottery situation by offering students free scratch tickets…
• Watch out John McCain, it’s the return of The Viet Dinh. The author of The Patriot Act came to Tufts to explain his hotly debated legislation. There was no need to register ahead of time though—John Ashcroft already profiled the students who wanted to attend…
• The ELEPHANT never forgets.
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