April 3, 2008
• And guess who we replaced you with: The former Tufts Muslim Chaplain, Noureddine Hawat, is suing Tufts, claiming that he was never reimbursed for money he spent out of pocket for renovations on Tufts’ Islamic Center. The University seemed to add insult to injury by firing Hawat and replacing him with a female intern.
• Save the fish... by eating them: On March 27th, Dewick held its Sustainable Fish Dinner during which Tufts students gorged themselves on mahi mahi, fried shrimp, salmon and more. The Elephant is waiting for someone to explain to him how eating tons of seafood will lead to fish conservation.
• Kindergarten Cop: At a discussion about faith at Tufts, University Chaplain David O’Leary described his role as “enforcing kindergarten rules.” The ELEPHANT hopes that Fr. O’Leary won’t look the other way as Beat Bias beats THE PRIMARY SOURCE up and steals its lunch money.
• I don’t hate religion, I swear: Dave Adams’ new Daily column appears to have gone straight to his head. In one article, he suggests that religion consists of “filling the minds of the faithful with false hope and bogus stories,” though he later reassures readers that he has “no problem with people of faith.” The Elephant fears that this kind of hypocritical sentiment is not uncommon among the Tufts community at large.
• All you ever wanted to know about untreated yeast infections but were afraid to ask: Recently launched Tufts Anonymous Confession Board has initially succeeded in being everything a gossip blog should be, and everything Tufts OTR is not. The first week’s comments included speculation about spring fling, debates about the merits of girls fingering boys’ assholes (the consensus was yes), and lists of students and professors that the anonymous contributors would like to sleep with. Not surprisingly, the SOURCE’s heartthrob Production Manager Joel VanDixhorn was one of the first names mentioned. The ELEPHANT himself has many times lost himself gazing longingly into VanDixhorn’s deep brown eyes and dreaming of what could be…
• Cannon painting: Tufts University has inaugurated a new fundraising program: paintthecannon.com, which allows students and alumni to virtually paint the Tufts cannon. This new gimmick is almost as lame as painting the real cannon, only it costs money.
• Where did all the hippy peace-protesters go?: On March 27th, a pitifully small number of Tufts students and faculty participated in a “Walk-Out on the War.” Despite having a ready-made excuse to ditch class, the overwhelming majority Tufts students chose not to attend. The ELEPHANT mistook the protest for a medium-sized tour group.
• Straight to the source: March 23rd’s New York Times included an article on a cappella groups on college campuses featuring a conversation with Beelzebubs’ music director Alexander Koutzoukis. The ELEPHANT thinks an interview with the NYT is cool but was far more impressed when the Bubs were on MTV.
• Bleeding heart conservative: Tufts Republicans President Dan Hartman recently wrote a letter to the Daily congratulating them on “bringing racial issues to the forefront” of campus dialogue. Of course, Hartman could not resist groveling and bashing the SOURCE carol a year after the fact. The ELEPHANT wants to commend Hartman for his display of testicular fortitude.
• Next topic!: When he is not busy keeping up on current events, the ELEPHANT likes to read the sports section. However, he has recently been disappointed by Daily columnist Ross Marrinson. Marrinson has the crazy notion that every single word should be devoted to the plight of Minnesota sports. Note to Daily: it’s bad enough that one whiny fan base is overrepresented but at least its teams win.
• The ELEPHANT never forgets.
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